Relationships

Every relationship can be thought of as being a paired opposite of a jewel with a relative flower partner. Compare to the other one is more mind orientated and the other is more feeling.

The jewel is attracted to the spontaneous social qualities of the flower and is a visual learner who will appreciate the visual communication of the flower. This may be her beauty, her dress, her eyes (usually stand out in flowers) and her more expansive personality.

The flower is looking for security and attention to manage her inner sense of abandonment and aloneness. She is captivated by all the attention that she receives from her Jewel partner when he looks at her and talks with a sense of authority and certainty. She inputs his words auditorily while she enjoys his attentive gaze.

Problems begin when the Jewel begins to shift his gaze to his books, newspaper, computer, hobbies or worse other women. Even though they are together her feelings of abandonment are activated by his focus and interest being away from her. If he is late home the aloneness may be activated and he arrives to an angry, emotional scene. He was attracted to the sense of peace of the flower but now faces a storm on the lake. He longs for freedom and strongly resists any attempts to control him. If this continues he arrives later and later and eventually not at all. The fear of abandonment of the flower seems to create abandonment in her relationship.

He was attracted to the Flowers spontaneous emotional theatrics but now it seems like an overreaction and he wishes she would control her outbursts more. He begins to see her need for attention as demanding and restrictive of his freedom. He wonders she is not more organized and logical.

The flower has a need for security and material possessions to add to this need. She is attracted to someone who can provide this for her. Her partner may be older for this reason. She usually goes L brain with a series of goals that she strives for and ticks off as they are achieved. A sense of dissatisfaction leads her to create more goals.

The jewel usually moves to the expansive Right brain to increase his emotional expression and to create a sense of silence and freedom within. As he begins to move to the Right brain he becomes more philosophical and less interested in material objects. Like St. Francis he feels like giving away possessions as he moves further to the Right brain.

This change of personality does not go over well with his Flower partner who is already threatened by his desire for freedom and now has to deal with his loss of interest in providing her with all the material comforts. She wonders why he never talks about his emotions.

The flower is attracted to the Jewel because he has qualities that she needs to integrate to be more whole. Flowers are learning mental focus, concentration, completion of tasks and finding a sense of inner strength. Initially they look for support outside of themselves but eventually they learn to stand alone like a strong tree.

The Jewel is attracted to the flower because of her looks perhaps but there is an electromagnetic attraction between the two. The flower has a connection to the emotional life which the Jewel is subconsciously seeking.. He moves to the right brain to experience emotions, letting go, trust and inner silent knowing. He is caught in his mind like a prison but longs for freedom. He may deny the material world and seek freedom by philosophy but it usually keeps him in his mind. He is looking for intimacy but can’t experience because his mind has a hold on him and he struggles to get into his body. If he can realize that the flower woman can help him experience physical intimacy he can free himself of his jealous mind that has a hold on him. Then he experiences the freedom that he is seeking in the relationship. His partner can support him to achieve his dreams by being an emotional cheerleader who believes in his work and goals. She supports what he is becoming. He in turn needs to give her some attention and "sincere" flattery about who she is and the qualities she has. A flower needs visual approval daily in the form of compliments.

 RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS BETWEEN JEWEL and FLOWER ctd.

The visual thinking type, Jewel, is attracted to the auditory  feeling type called Flower.

The Flower enjoys visual attention and hearing compliments . She enjoys the attention of the  jewel while he explains his ideas. She is attracted to his sense of certainty and may be attracted to an older partner because she is seeking security. The flower seeks material security in the form of possessions such as a house etc. The jewel is like a wandering philosopher and may accumulate possessions  but typically around his late 40’s or early 50’s he may wish to sell everything and go on a quest to find truth or enlightenment. This usually creates a crisis for the flower partner.
But there may be trouble well before this stage of the relationship. Many flowers have a  fear of abandonment or painful separations early in life. On a soul level they are learning independence, self reliance and finding inner security and strength. The vulnerable flower is on a journey to be a strong tree. When the external support seems to be absent we have an opportunity to develop our own support or spiritual strength. However the feelings of isolation may be activated when the jewel inevitably turns his attention away from the flower. He likes to read, study, be on the computer and this can trigger abandonment in the flower even when they are in the same room. The flower may be particularly upset if the jewel notices other women. She may try to get attention with attractive behaviour or give the jewel the silent treatment to let him know  she is not happy. If he fails to respond or notice she may create drama -door slamming for example. The jewel is expected to turn his attention back on her and ask what is wrong and reassure the flower of his love.  Abandonment may be activated by the jewel being late home . This may lead to arguments and distance in the relationship. Denny Johnson, the founder of Rayid, says to ask no questions when your partner arrives home. This includes ‘where have you been?’ particularly but even ‘how was your day?’ Questions take your partner into the mind and away from the heart and create distance between partners. He advises that it is better to just hug or kiss or say ‘good to see you’ or ‘I missed you’. Later discussions about the day or what needs to be discussed can follow after intimacy has been established. If the partner arrives home to accusations and drama it may lead to distance over time.   

The reason the two are attracted to each other is that each has what the other needs move towards wholeness. The intellectual Jewel is learning to add feelings and move into his heart  from his flower partner. The freedom he is seeking can be found in his heart if the flower can access her inner gift of peace. He doesn't need to go on his philosophical quest to distant lands and leave the flower . The usually emotionally reactive flower is adding mind qualities such as focus and reasoning . Note it is not a question of either person switching off their mind (jewel) or feelings (flower) to add the opposite quality but of adding the opposite while keeping their original innate qualities.

The gift of a flower of inner peace can be increased by practising acceptance of day to day events. Acceptance creates peace like a still lake. Resistance to life tends to create agitation like waves on the lake. We can still improve , change situations and reform but from a platform of inner peace. This quality is very attractive to the jewel who is sometimes trapped in his mind with excessive thinking and questioning.

One of the reasons that relationships are such a challenge is that opposites tend to attract. The flower may initially find the jewel’s mind and inner certainty attractive  but later wonder why he never talks about his feelings with her. The jewel is attracted to the beauty and feeling qualities of the flower but later gets annoyed that she ‘over reacts ‘ to situations instead of being more rational. The jewel likes to be right and may have trouble seeing his partners point of view. The jewel  likes to plan events while the flower may prefer spontaneity. Understanding and valuing  of each others differences and strengths helps to maintain the relationship. Denny Johnson says that some  keys to relationships are shared projects, not interrupting the others sentences and avoiding withholding of significant secrets.

Another difficult in relationships is that we have a tendency to be attracted to someone with an equally painful parental relationship to our own. If a woman has a difficult relationship with her father she tends to be attracted to a man who has an equally difficult relationship with his mother and he is attracted to her. It is important that the two people realize that the partner is not their father or mother. Else painful earlier feelings can be activated by the behaviour of the partner.